preparing for the New Year Party\:D/
c ya all in 2009, Happy New Year!>:D<
count to ten [review]
Anul asta:
+ am invatat ca nimeni nu-i perfect
+ mi-am dat seama, in mare, ce vreau si cam care-i ideea in a face anumite lucruri
+ asa cum ma asteptam, nu am facut unele lucruri [nu ca ar fi ceva rau:">]
+ am renuntat la unele obiceiuri si prietenii care nu aveau niciun fel de rost sau target final
+ mi-am dat examenul Cambridge.Una din chestiile care ma face sa fiu foarte multumita, nu de examenul in sine[pentru ca n-am facut cat de bine ar fi trebuit sa fac] ci de faptul ca m-am putut mobiliza sa fac ceva intr-adevar folositor si cu sens
+ am invatat sa nu mai fiu exagerat de pretentioasa si sa las de la mine [doar atunci cand e nevoie, normal]
+ am capatat prieteni despre care simt ca vor mai fi aici ceva timp from now on
+ mi-am dat seama cam unde, cine si cum (se)merita, si cine nu
+ am putut sa nu mai spun "nu" dupa prea putina vreme, si sa trec peste aspecte in fond, neimportante si de suprafata [and still working on it:)), prietenii stiu:))]
+ am avut parte de una din cele mai linistitoare si needed vacante din ultima vreme
+ nu am mai chiulit asa mult, si mi-am dat o idee mai mult interesul pentru chestii legate de scoala :-B
+ am mai crescut, pe bune, un an
+ am purtat tocuri muuuult mai des[:)))]
+ incep sa inteleg pe bune cand, cum, unde si cu cine trebuie si se poate :D
+ am inteles ce-i important pe bune. :-s :D
-nu am reusit sa renunt la singurul meu viciu
-pe alocuri, am incercat prea mult sa vad ca se poate, unde era clar ca era aproape imposibil
-nu m-am straduit cat am putut referitor la unele situatii
-nu am apreciat mereu ce si cat am avut/am
I'll give this year an A+.:d
it was like remembering
"something I'd never known before or had always been waiting for, but I didn't know what. Maybe it was something I'd forgotten or something I've been missing all my life. All I can say is that I felt, at the same time, joy and sadness. But not too much sadness, because I felt alive. Yes, alive."
you're about two years and a half late.
baby take off your cool
Dintotdeauna scartaitul zapezii sub cizme e unul din sunetele care imi provoaca cea mai "cu fiori" stare, in sensul bun, evident.Chiar daca zapada se aseamana cu situatiile in care atatia ne impotmolim fara rost si ne concentram pe partea proasta, in loc sa vedem partea buna.Ca atunci cand, mai aluneci din cand in cand si poate uneori cazi, dar indiferent cat de tare te lovesti tot te ridici si mergi mai departe.De cele mai multe ori fara sa mai admiri cat de frumos e impodobit orasul de luminite si de ninsoare, pentru ca, de fapt, admirandu-le ai cazut.A meritat oare?
Sometimes we let things get out of control just so that we can victimize or just to find a solution to our imaginary problems.
Our life is what we make of it.
seventy-four.
it's weird how things can change in such little time, leaving no things and no facts to talk about, no jokes to laugh at and no words to say.You just keep staring at the window, and all you can see now is a sad, over-whelming fade image of what things used to be like, even that short period of time, in which you used to think without thinking being compulsory.
"Got no reason" - indeed, I've got no reason for wonderning this, but I can't seem to understand how things faded so easily, without noticing any difference or without being sorry, even for a second, as it was known that this was the right thing to do.Even though I'm ok with everything.
I used to say that it's gonna be just fine, no matter what.I must say... sometimes it's just "too" fine.
de Craciun, fii mai...?!
In ultimii...sa zicem 4 ani de cand am inceput sa constientizez anumite situatii si lucruri, pot sa spun ca ma cuprinde un sentiment destul de acru cand ma gandesc la ziua ce precede o sarbatoare importanta(si nu numai religioasa, ci si chestii gen zile de nastere, sarbatori de familie in general).Nu am putut intelege nici pana acum de ce mereu semnificatia de baza a sarbatorii este blurata de niste lucruri mai mult decat de suprafata, incepand de la "oare n-o sa comenteze musafirii ca servetelele nu se asorteaza?'" si pana la "vai sa ii accepti punctul de vedere, ca sa nu ajungeti iar la o discutie in contradictoriu si sa se strice atmosfera".De cand am facut 13-14 ani nu a existat an in care sa fiu complet calma si relaxata inaintea Pastelui, Craciunului sau a vreunei zile de nastere.Chiar si inaintea zilei mele de nastere, tot exista ceva care ma irita si ma streseaza(hm, nu vreau sa mi inchipui cum o sa fie peste exact 3 luni, la majoratul meu:-?).
A existat intr-adevar un moment in care nu m-am stresat cu 'de-ale casei', si anume acum exact un an, cand ma stresam pentru ca eram blocata pe un aeroport european, cu slabe sanse de a ajunge acasa macar in seara Ajunului.But that's not my point, ci acela ca un procent prea mare de oameni au uitat sa se bucure pe bune de sarbatori, de momentele petrecute in familie, au uitat sa-si arate sentimentele si sa se bucure de clipa in sine, si bineinteles ca mai trist este ca atunci ca nu mai au de unde sa fabrice clipele astea, regreta nespus si-si doresc sa nu fi mototolit sentimente si vorbe undeva intr-un colt.
warning sign.
don't you think things might get better.
everything happens for a reason. - "si mie trebuie sa mi se aminteasca din cand in cand asta".
pana la un anumit punct credeam ca mereu daca voi face efortul maxim posibil, voi putea obtine si lucruri, situatii, relatii sau obiecte care aparent nu aveau nici o utilitate, nici o legatura concreta cu ce-mi doream de fapt.Chiar daca "nu era sa fie" - pf, eu puteam sa fac sa fie orice, nu?
Pana intr-un noiembrie plin de minusuri in temperatura si in emotii, plin de cuvinte si de expresii.Pana la scrumul de tigara ramas pe marginea mesei, sau poate tigara stinsa si reaprinsa ever once in a while, sau chiar bricheta care nu s-a mai aprins la un moment dat.Si mult timp dupa aceea n-am crezut ca exista un "asa trebuia sa se intample", doar un "asa trebuia sa se intample tocmai mie", si acum stau si ma uit la post it-urile de pe perete pline de cuvinte de engleza si la strada goala si friguroasa unde au fost sa fie plimbari pe timp de ploaie, garnisite cu ciocolata si cu povesti.Si nu-mi dau inca seama ce a fost exact si care a fost influenta asupra ce nu mai este acum, dar daca nu era sa fie, noi n-am mai fi ajuns tocmai aici si tu n-ai mai fi fost cum esti si eu n-as mai fi simtit tot ce-a fost ca definitoriu pentru ce avea sa urmeze.
Motivul, normal.
Endangered Species
Azi n-a fost cu siguranta una din zilele pe care puteam sa le numesc bune.Nici pe departe, pentru ca diferente de opinii si un semn de punctuatie pus gresit pot strica multe si pot scoate la iveala vorbe din categoria celor care raman cuminti la 'iesire' de fiecare data cand ai vrea si ai simti ca trebuie sa le spui.Un anume fel de diplomatie, nu-i asa?
Si daca nu cu ei, cu cine sa mai fim sinceri si ce sa mai spunem ca sa voalam tot ce credem de fapt?
Pentru ca in fond, mintim cu fiecare silaba si fiecare propozitie "trebuia sa vorbesc frumos", si niciodata nu ajungem sa spunem ce ne-am dori sau ce consideram ca e mai bine.Si se ajunge apoi la constatarea "Pana acum credeai altfel" intr-un moment neplacut, dar nu, nu credeam altfel, nu aveam curajul sau poate nepasarea suficienta cat sa spun ce cred si ce vreau.
Ti-a mai ramas o virgula rest.
Anca Parghel
Cum era de asteptat pentru multi, astazi dimineata, pioniera jazzului in Romania si una dintre cu adevarat valorosii artisti ai tarii, Anca Parghel, s-a stins din viata.
Dumnezeu s-o odihneasca in pace!
the less i care
number of coffees today : none (oh joy)
number of hours spent doing nothing : too many
number of "I'm taking my exam next week, I should at least practice or something" : about 4
days until the exam : five
things I have no idea about : about 7
crazy nonseseful ideas crossing my mind : 1 (but it's a...well, some may call it a serious matter.I'll just say it's a matter of decision.)
oh, why'd you have to wake me up.
[be back later]
I'm on a caffeine diet.
1 Decembrie.Inca noua zile - oh the joy:|
Revin cu detalii, simteam nevoia sa punctez 'problema' la ora asta.:)
and just for the record, we used to be friends some time ago
wasn't used to do this anyhow.Since you said you're never gonna forget anything, that whole universe changed and other people with other friends or friendships took its place.Like always, but this time you didn't realisewhen.It just hit you, like those summer rainy afternoons or november winters, chocolate and long walks.Never did you admit it though, you didn't want this to cometo such a sudden end, but you couldn't control anything, anyhow.
Suppose we never met before.
i write notes but don't pass them round
Noiembrie.E clar ca noiembrie e de departe luna cu cele mai multe 'momente' tipice mie.Momentele in care nu am chef decat de o cafea luni dimineata, cand as vrea sa fiu la mare ca anul asta sau in noiembrie 2006, sau cand ma plimb singura prin ninsoare, sau alea in care nu am chef de absolut nimeni si nimic.Momentele mele de 'pensionara' - cum ar spune unii - cand tot ce vreau e pat, coldplay, ceai si fursecuri.Momentele in care 'eu ies cu X si Y.nu vrei sa vii?' 'parca nu am chef de oameni noi, dar fie', ecuatie in care X si Y iti ajung prieteni, momentele marunte si stupide care se intampla totusi cu un scop anume.Cafeaua prea amara de dimineata, ciocolata desfacuta in mijlocul strazii in ploaie si telefonul de la miezul noptii.Doua bilete uitate pe fundul unei genti, postatul degeaba la ore tarzii (pentru ora de maine dimineata).
could the world make any more sense.
Sit on the steps smoking 'till you come...home.
And I wanna play hide and seek, and give ou my clothes,tell you I love your shoes.
Sit on the steps when you take a bath, and massage your neck and kiss your face
and hold your hand and go for a walk.
Not mind when you eat my food,and meet you at Rudy's and talk about the day.Talk about your day and laugh at your paranoia.Gice you tapes you don't listen to, watch great films...wathc terrible films, and tell you about the TV program I saw the night before, and not laugh at your jokes.Want you in the morning, but let you sleep for a while.
Sit on the steps smoking 'til your neighbours come home.Sit on the steps smoking 'til you come home.
And worry when you're late,and be amazed when you're early.I'd give you sunflowers and go to your party and dance.Be sorry when I'm wrong and happy when you forgive me.
Look at your photo and wish I'd known you forever.
hear your voice in my ear,feel your skin on my skin.And get scared when you're angry, and hug you when you're anxious and hold you when you're hurt and want you when I smell you and offend you when I touch you and whimper when I'm next to you, and whimper when I'm not.Melt when you smile, disolve when you laugh.
But not understand how you think I'm rejecting you when I'm not rejecting you and wonder how you could think I'd ever reject you. And wonder who you are. But I accept you anyway. And tell you about the tree angel and enchanted forest boy who flew across the ocean because he loved you. I'd buy you presents you don't want and take them away again and ask you to marry me and you say no again but keep on asking because though you think I don't mean it but I always have from the first time I asked you.
I wander the city thinking, but I'm empty without you, but I want what you want and think I'm losing myself.
But I'll tell you the worst me and try and give you the best of me because you don't deserve any less. Answer your questions when I'd rather not. And tell you the truth when I really don't want to. And try to be honest because I knew you prefer it. And think it's all over but hang on for just ten more minutes before you throw me out of your life, forget who I am. And let me try and get closer to you.
... And somehow communicate some of the over-whelming, undying, overpowering, unconditional, all-encompassing, heart-enriching, mind-expanding, ongoing, never-ending love I have for you.
It makes one wonder...
Song addictions
Evident,nu am mai scris demult[nu ca ar mai fi fost necesar sa precizez:))]
Cu toate astea -> today's [ and perhaps tomorrow's] song addiction
varianta live,desigur
http://youtube.com/watch?v=dGMll3LUcRs
Cu toate astea -> today's [ and perhaps tomorrow's] song addiction
varianta live,desigur
http://youtube.com/watch?v=dGMll3LUcRs
